World Of Mine

Transparency In A Relationship

How important is transparency in a relationship? Some claims that in a relationship everything must be shared, no secrecy should exists. As most puts it, “secrecy is a sign of guilt”, hence some people being called liars for keeping secrets from their partners. But do they deserve such title for their action? Despite the fact that openness is important in a relationship, but there is another important ingredient in keeping the relationship strong, trust.

Trust, honesty, humility, transparency and accountability are the building blocks of a positive reputation. Trust is the foundation of any relationship. – Mike Paul

Perhaps most people have forgotten that trust is much more important in a relationship. By having high level of trust in a relationship, we don’t need so much of transparency. Not every information needed to be share, have we forgotten about privacy? Do we need to expose every details about our past and present to our partners? No, we do not.

Example of a case:

Dear scholars, As-Salamu `alaykum. I am a married woman. I have sinned by speaking to and writing love letters to another man. I know I have made a mistake. I am desperate to know how I can I pay for my sin. Is it necessary for me to tell my husband about it? If I do, he will never forgive me. How can I fortify my faith? Please help me as soon as possible with an answer. Jazakum Allah khayran.

A confession of a wife who were in a relationship with another man. It is wrong, without a doubt. But must she confess it to her husband? As she claimed, if doing so she’ll damage the relationship. In this situation it is best to keep it as a secret from the husband. As being answered by the scholar:

Allah has hidden your sin from your husband and you should likewise continue to hide it. Confessing to him would only damage your relationship, perhaps irreversibly. – Ahmad Kutty

Allah (God) knows best, and He has chose to hide it from the husband. As for the wife it is important for her to strengthen her relationship and forbid herself from committing into another sin (this being written in the scholar’s answer). This is from Islamic view, will it be different from a psychological perception?

There are valid reasons for keeping a secret from your spouse. You shouldn’t have to defend not revealing embarrassing or hurtful moments from your past. It is possible that the secret involves someone else who asked that the story not be told.

There are many couples who have been married for a long time who have personal secrets that they haven’t shared with their spouse. The sense of space, and the sense of a private me is important to many individuals. – Sheri & Bob Stritof

Based on this quote it is the same, there is a need to not expose everything to the partner. If one believe sharing their faults is best for relationship, then it’s their risk in doing so. However one must not force their partner to expose every details as it might only jeopardize a healthy relationship.

Again, trust is the most important element in a relationship. When we have place huge amount of trust to our partner, it is their responsibility in making sure it remains that way. Transparency is required but up to certain level, not everything needed to be shared, there is always need for privacy. Be as honest as possible to your partner, and they will appreciate it and do the same to you.

Possibly related posts (generated by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin):

• Love Required Trusts
• Trusting Friends

Tags: openness, relationship, secret, transparency, trust